So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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