This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
