Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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