Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You took a bar mat shot.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
