I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
