so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
