I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
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I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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