win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
