I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i drank out of a bidet.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
