The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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