The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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