Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
