So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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