your parents love me but you hate me
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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