If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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