Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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