You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
