If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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