dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
