I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
