I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
