11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
