my vag is so smooth its legendary
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
