Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
