I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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