i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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