I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
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I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
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The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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