i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
