tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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