new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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