Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
