i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
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