I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
