a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
