she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
