I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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