ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Mom said you looked used
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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