if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
