I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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