My hand turned me down
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
