Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
