so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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