we have pet lesbian snakes
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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