Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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