Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize