So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
