i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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