Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
