the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
