I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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