I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
