he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize