You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
