WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even know how to be here
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize