i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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