Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
