i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
