I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
