My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
