hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you win again, gameday.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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