In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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