I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
