Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
