If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
