Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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