i just wanna soil my oats bro
the condom got lost in my hair
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
